you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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