i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
