Dual....:-)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
