No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
