That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My cat gives me a boner
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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