That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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