At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
