i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
