that's an acceptable place to lick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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