??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
