thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
