Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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