Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
