I hate your face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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