At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
