I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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