Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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