Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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