why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
