he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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