listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
