U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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