who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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