Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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