Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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