I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
