i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
