Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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