I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
