u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
