Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
