Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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