He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
