On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
