So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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