I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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