I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
