Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
