I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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