I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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