your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
