Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
