So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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