so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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