what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
