I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
