Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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