that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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