So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize