there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
