I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
