I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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