SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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