We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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