Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
