dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
