Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
