i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
