I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
