We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
