Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
