I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
