she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
