I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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