If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
