i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
