I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
