we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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